Draymond Green believes Kevin Durant is a sky pirate from Final Fantasy XII

“THE CHOKE is a parody website. Everything seen and heard here is purely for entertainment and comedic purposes.”

Information regarding the Kevin Durant and Draymond Green debacle continues to leak out of the organization like a leaky faucet.

While the Golden State Warriors are attempting to patch their leaking ship, suspending Green and pretending as if all is well, Draymond has written a short open letter to The Choke.

The following is unedited.

Kevin Durant is a sky pirate. Not like a normal pirate. The one like that Balthier fellow from Final Fantasy XII. He’s around here, pretending to be a somewhat OK guy, but dude is a mercenary. I took a pay cut. Klay is going to take a pay cut. For what? For Balthier Durant to use us for yet another title before he takes huge sums of money to fail elsewhere? Let me tell the nation something, pal. Ain’t no player on the Knicks who will be able to Phoenix Down his sorry rear when down 0-2 to the Sixers.

Final Fantasy XII The Zodiac Age - 2017 Spring Trailer | PS4

As everyone knows, Balthier is the character from Final Fantasy XII who is way cooler than the actual main character. That being said, Draymond may have accidentally given Kevin Durant a compliment. Furthermore, Balthier’s past and true intentions are not what they seem — which, yeah, that’s Durant.

Report: Draymond Green to purposely blow 3-1 lead on Cavs to call James Harden, form intergalactic-team

“THE CHOKE is the parody side of ClutchPoints. Everything seen and heard here is purely for entertainment and comedic purposes.”

Reports have emerged out of Golden State, claiming Draymond Green has an evil plan to lure James Harden to the Warriors.

According to this newly acquired information, obtained by our intern Justin, Green plans on purposely having the Warriors blow a 3-1 lead to the Cleveland Cavaliers in the NBA Finals, resulting in a telephone call being placed to Houston Rockets guard James Harden.

Thanks to the Freedom Information Act of Not Real Acts of Information Freedom (2018), Justin the intern found the following bit parts of a much larger email Green apparently sent to other Golden State players:

Fellas. It is me. Draymond Green. The guy better than Kevin Durant and cooler than a cucumber. Remember when we blew a 3-1 lead, then called KD to join us? What worked once will certainly work again. I think our plan should be to go up three games to Cleveland’s one in the upcoming NBA Finals, blow that lead, then let me call James Harden from the parking lot and convince him to join us next season.

Think about it guys. We’d go from super-team to super-duper-intergalactic-team.

Sincerely, #DraymondTheMindIsAlwaysOnTheGreen

draymond green
ClutchPoints

Obviously, this story is still developing, but Justin the intern did reach out to as many people as he could to find out what is happening with this story.

Steve Kerr told him to kick rocks.

Green told him to eat a walrus.

Kevin Durant called him a blogger boy (original, eh?).

James Harden asked what Green’s number was so he could make sure he picked up when that call is placed.

Justin the intern is the best.

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