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Sixers reject Carmelo Anthony deal after reading the fine print


According to numerous sources, including Dean Moriarty, the Sixers have refused to agree to a deal that would bring Carmelo Anthony to Philadelphia.

The reasoning? Well, ain’t I sure as sugar glad you asked! It’s due to the fine print.

Sources, including other various fictional characters from On The Road, have told The Choke the potential deal had some wording jumbled in the middle of the deal, reading as follows:

You, the almighty Sixers of City Brotherly Love, not only agree to bring in Melo of Mighty Buckets, but do see zero issues in forever employing him. More bluntly put, House The Process, there are no give backs.


Basically, for those unaware of how super serious contractual agreements work, Melo’s team is saying the Sixers can’t, under no circumstances, cut bait from the wayward forward. Apparently he’s sour by his most recent teams, who decided he was awful minutes upon revival.

In even simpler terms, this is like buying expired milk at the store, but the supermarket refusing to give you money back on the investment.

Carmelo Anthony is expired milk, I guess? Hooray, Sixers, for reading the fine print! If only I had done so with my iTunes account.