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The Choke

Report: Danny Ainge threatens Kyrie Irving with acquiring LeBron James if he doesn’t change stance on polarizing Earth topic

Kyrie Irving, Lebron James, Celtics, Cavaliers

According to a report, Danny Ainge has threatened Kyrie Irving with a potential trade for LeBron James this offseason if he doesn’t play in the Eastern Conference Finals.

The Wizard of All Trades — that’s Ainge, by the way — might also be looking to acquire LeBron James’ son, but those details remain murky. Anyway… this is a satire post.

This is according to ESPN’s Stugotz, who relayed the news on the mean streets of Twitter.

However, according to a different report, this one from The Disney Channel’s Ben Savage, Ainge is actually threatening to trade for LeBron James if Kryie Irving doesn’t admit the world is round.

Your Ben Savage Fake Tweet - Sources: Dangerous Dan Ainge will trade for LeBron James this summer if Kyrie Irving does not admit the Earth is circular, round even, in shape. H/T Topanga.

Kyrie Irving was reached out to for comment, and while he did say “I have a lot to say on this” he would then only share the following emoji: (#127758#)

He would follow that up with, “If the Earth were round, in more than one-dimension, why is its Internet emoji flat — nearly without shape?”

Good point, former Duke Blue Devils guard.

How in the world did he get in Duke? Is there a class taught there by Kanye West?

After reaching out to the Celtics for comment, Ainge ignored our initial requests, but after eventually convincing ClutchPoints to send them 30 percent of our revenue for 23 years as well as Todd in exchange for information on the topic, he told us that “you guys must be drunk” and “it isn’t Scary Terry, but Scarrence Terrence.”

There we have It, folks. You know It. Whatever It is?

Image result for Pennywise gif


I think, possibly, I just pooped myself a little.