Zion Williamson facing blame for Cavs slow start
For some ungodly reason, Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert is blaming Duke Blue Devils star Zion Williamson for the team’s iffy start to the season.
There’s no actual basis for why, according to sources. A team insider has told The Choke, however, it’s simply an effort by Dan Gilbert to use Zion Williamson to avoid any form of accountability.
For those unaware, Gilbert is likely best known as the guy who found NBA success by being lucky enough to have had LeBron James born within the proximity of his franchise. When LeBron is not with the Cavs, Cleveland is an abomination to all the senses.
Seriously. Imagine if LeBron was born in like Scranton, Pennsylvania instead of Akron. How awful would the Dan Gilbert era be then?
Zion Williamson has released a statement to our wonderful publication around these allegations by the Cavs owner.
“What the hell is a Dan Gilbert,” Zion asked The Choke. “Cleveland seems like a nice enough city… to leave.”
Obviously, the standout Duke talent is not attempting to endear himself to the city.
“Thank god I wasn’t born near Cleveland,” Zion Williamson said. “For real. LeBron had to be loyal to his neighboring city because of logistical semantics?!”
For his part, Dan Gilbert released a 33,000 word response. It wasn’t in comic sans, either. Instead, he cut individual letters out of magazines. We felt it best to not relay his statement, though, as there’s random nudes of himself in there.