Dan Gilbert looking to hire Michael Keaton as next Cavs coach, believes he’s actually Batman

Plenty of people have long speculated Dan Gilbert lacks any true roots in a reality based world, but few saw this coming. Whispers are coming out of the Cavs organization about Gilbert’s ideal next head coach.

Kaplow!

It’s Batman!

Kind of.

Michael Keaton, the best Batman ever, isn’t a basketball coach. Nor is he Batman in his real life. And yet, the Cavs owner believes he’s actually The Caped Crusader, and would like him to man the helm in Cleveland next season.

Kaplooey!

The Choke has yet to verify the reports from our own sources, though that’s likely due to their fears about Dan Gilbert possibly eating them whole. He’s long been known as a cannibal, which makes this marriage all the more stunning.

Wazaam!

Despite Keaton’s best efforts to let Gilbert know he’s not actually Batman, the owner simply believes the star of Mr. Mom is trying to hide his identity.

When Christian Bale was reached out to for comment, he said, “Adam West, as well as the comics, is the variation of Batman with all those mostly fake words like wazaam, you idiots.”

We usually allow Christian Bale to read all copies of The Choke posts before they go live.

Snickers bar!

We will keep you updated as more information rises to the surface like Danny DeVito in Batman 2: The Bat’ening.