“THE CHOKE is a parody website. Everything seen and heard here is purely for entertainment and comedic purposes.”
Superstar Boston Celtics guard Kyrie Irving is enlisting the help of Carmelo Anthony to ensure his teammates become better at shooting.
Boston is currently ranked 28th in the NBA in field goal percentage, only making .428 percent of their attempts from the floor. Carmelo Anthony is only making .405 percent of his attempts, but Kyrie Irving doesn’t want that to distract you from the point.
“We’re not really having Melo teach the guys,” Kyrie told The Choke. “We’re having both Olympic Melo and Hoodie Melo come in to teach these young members of the human species to shoot jumpers.”
“I’m great at hoops,” Olympic Melo said.
“I’m even better at hoops,” Hoodie Melo told The Choke.
“I am Melo,” said run-of-the-mill Carmelo Anthony.
Nevertheless, the Celtics haven’t been playing as well as most projected before the season began. Maybe an injection of non-normal Melo will be good for the team. Fans have long asked what-if involving Hoodie and Olympic Melo, in regard to either version showing up in the NBA as a player, but those days are dead. Instead, we all know normal Melo is here forever… and he stinks.
Still, maybe the two alternative Melo’s will make for a fine shooting coach?
A source did tell The Choke that the first practice involving the Celtics and Melo resulted in this message being yelled across the gym:
“Shoot if you’re open. Shoot if you’re guarded. But whatever you do, don’t fail to shoot just because you’re bad at taking jumpers.”
Logic seems sound.
