NBA Archives - Page 2 of 2

Kevin Love admits he wanted to get suspended to avoid LeBron James yelling

In a stunning revelation first discovered by me, Cleveland Cavaliers forward Kevin Love admits that he purposely stepped on the hardwood during Game 1 of the NBA Finals to avoid being yelled at by LeBron James in Game 2.

For those unaware, during Game 1 of Cleveland losing to Golden State by way of a replay booth and J.R. Smith not knowing how math works, Kevin Love’s body was on the floor when he wasn’t legally allowed to be. Per NBA rules, that should mean an automatic suspension for Game 2.

Here is the video that shows the Lovester hanging around beyond the arc:

https://twitter.com/CLEsportsTalk/status/1002418347466805249

The only Cavs player usually left that open is Jordan Clarkson.

Anyway, Kevin Love called me after the game to explain why this supposed brain-fart was actually done on purpose.

“Hey, it is K-Love.”

That is how the conversation got started. We started to talk about the Beach Boys for a little, then I asked him why he did what he did. This is how he responded.

“Well, totally real person interviewing me,” Kevin Love started. “You see, LeBron James can sometimes yell and be mean. He can’t, however, do that when you’re not playing. So, as a preemptive strike, I figured I would just get suspended for Game 2, then avoid the wrath of the King.”

Love would later go on to tell me, the person who is totally real, that he hasn’t heard from the NBA, but is hoping he is suspended in enough time to go to Wal-Mart to pick up some bagged peas.

“Yeah, man.” Love said in an excited fashion. “Peas are the bomb {bleeping} dot com!”

Tristan Thompson just wanted to go to a Hookah Bar

Tristan Thompson found himself ejected from Game 1 of the NBA Finals, but he’s really cool with it, because he wanted to be at a Hookah Bar anyway.

“I’m not saying I did it on purpose.” Tristan Thompson told the totally not a satire website The Choke. “That being said, I did have a reservation at one of the Bay Area’s finest Hookah Bars.”

While Thompson never said which specific smoking lounge he was referring to, a source told us that he was referencing Steph’s Smoking Circus Of Oh Whatever It’s Drugs Man — one of the most popular Hookah Lounges in the country.

“The game was close and all of that jazz, but when life hands you lemons, you have to smoke’em.”

For those unaware, Thompson being ejected from the game was like the ninth weirdest part of Game 1. J.R. Smith had a gaffe for the ages, as he didn’t realize the score; and there was the entire thing about the refs using the replay system to define what a block/charge call happens to be.

“Did you know, that when it snows, my eyes become wide and the light that you shine can be seen…” Thompson said before screaming, “BABY!”

Who knows what awaits the Cavs as the NBA Finals heads to Game 2? Not me. Not you. Certainly not Thompson.

At least we do know, or can safely assume, he’s a huge fan of Seal. And, ugh, who isn’t?

The basketball never sleeps and the Seal should not be trifled with. So say we all.

Report: Draymond Green to purposely blow 3-1 lead on Cavs to call James Harden, form intergalactic-team

“THE CHOKE is the parody side of ClutchPoints. Everything seen and heard here is purely for entertainment and comedic purposes.”

Reports have emerged out of Golden State, claiming Draymond Green has an evil plan to lure James Harden to the Warriors.

According to this newly acquired information, obtained by our intern Justin, Green plans on purposely having the Warriors blow a 3-1 lead to the Cleveland Cavaliers in the NBA Finals, resulting in a telephone call being placed to Houston Rockets guard James Harden.

Thanks to the Freedom Information Act of Not Real Acts of Information Freedom (2018), Justin the intern found the following bit parts of a much larger email Green apparently sent to other Golden State players:

Fellas. It is me. Draymond Green. The guy better than Kevin Durant and cooler than a cucumber. Remember when we blew a 3-1 lead, then called KD to join us? What worked once will certainly work again. I think our plan should be to go up three games to Cleveland’s one in the upcoming NBA Finals, blow that lead, then let me call James Harden from the parking lot and convince him to join us next season.

Think about it guys. We’d go from super-team to super-duper-intergalactic-team.

Sincerely, #DraymondTheMindIsAlwaysOnTheGreen

Obviously, this story is still developing, but Justin the intern did reach out to as many people as he could to find out what is happening with this story.

Steve Kerr told him to kick rocks.

Green told him to eat a walrus.

Kevin Durant called him a blogger boy (original, eh?).

James Harden asked what Green’s number was so he could make sure he picked up when that call is placed.

Justin the intern is the best.