REPORT: Raptors plan to move to Los Angeles to keep Kawhi Leonard
“THE CHOKE is a parody website. Everything seen and heard here is purely for entertainment and comedic purposes.”
According to a report from a totally real person named Bob Smith Jr., the Toronto Raptors will attempt to move the franchise to Los Angeles in order to keep Kawhi Leonard.
From Bob Smith’s 100 percent real Twitter:
How this report is not picking up more steam, the Choke does not yet know.
However, our own sources have indicated Kawhi Leonard does indeed like warm weather. In fact, in a scientific study done by the University of Broken Dreams, it was found 93 percent of living members of the human species prefer warm weather to that of cold, bitter and dark nights.
That being said, in that same study, it was found reanimated corpses (re: the dead coming back to relative life) prefer cold weather at a 10-to-1 ratio. We bring up the reanimated corpses portion of the study only because it is not currently known if Leonard is a human, robot or a reanimated corpse.
There is no study on what sort of climate robots prefer.
When reached out for comment, Leonard responded by punching our intern in the face with a lobster claw, declaring himself ruler of the six kingdoms.
For those unaware, the six kingdoms are not real, though the Raptors will make it so if it means keeping the superstar.