J.R. Smith’s Hilarious Thanksgiving Attempt At Joining The Lakers

“THE CHOKE is a parody website. Everything seen and heard here is purely for entertainment and comedic purposes.”

After being separated from the Cleveland Cavaliers for accusing team management of arranging a tanking scheme, J.R. Smith began a fight at Quicken Loans Arena after attempting to sneak onto the Los Angeles Lakers bus following the game on Wednesday Night. The fallout from this new set of questionable actions from Smith could be costly.

The off court moment occurred several minutes after the game ended. Smith walked into what he thought was the away team locker room, seeking to join LeBron James for another playoff run. However, he ended up creating an awkward scene with his former teammates once again.

“I thought LeBron would be in the home locker room because the Q was always his home,” said Smith, defending his actions.

After accusations of tanking, the team did not receive him warmly. Instead, Coach Larry Drew struck back, this time throwing a bowl of soup at Smith.

“This year, I’m thankful that I don’t have to deal with headaches and empty Hennessey bottles in the locker room,” Drew said of the situation.

Neither any of the Cavaliers nor Smith were hurt, although several players tripped over their shoes after Smith untied them.

After the fight and heading to the correct locker room, JR attempted to hide himself in LeBron James’s luggage. After he was discovered, he apologized for his Game 1 blunder in the 2018 NBA Finals, where J.R. Smith dribbled out the clock when the game was tied.

“Look, I know that moment reminded a lot of people of Infinity War. You know, when they almost get the gauntlet off Thanos?” Smith said, enthused. “But in the end they beat Thanos! Avengers 4! This was the one possible scenario we win. Right?”

“My plan was for LeBron to sneak me in a bag into the Lakers front office,” said Smith. “Then once I’m there, I’d pop out and be like, it’s magic. You know, because of Magic Johnson?”

Not enthused, LeBron did failed to respond. He continued onto the bus and left Smith behind.

Though discouraged, sources say that Smith continues to pursue a deal with the Lakers and immediate travel arrangements. Sources have told The Choke that he is currently shirtless while heading to Cleveland Hopkins Airport, despite the chilly November temperatures.

In response to the scuffle, Commissioner Adam Silver fined Smith $250,000 and released a statement: “Throwing anything except for key playoff games is absolutely prohibited by the NBA.”

LeBron James sets yet another record, this time involving Nic Cage

“THE CHOKE is a parody website. Everything seen and heard here is purely for entertainment and comedic purposes.”

While everyone is focusing on more famous records LeBron James has broken, it’s about time to bring to light the one he just smashed involving Nic Cage.

According to The Choke’s stats and research department, LeBron James has become the first player since the NBA-ABA merger to consume over 30 hours of Nic Cage films in a 50 hour span of time.

The mind has been, officially, boggled.

It’s worth noting our stats and research department shares an office with The Choke’s Nic and Cage quality control checkers. In turn, you know this data is more accurate than a clock hanging on your walls with double-A batteries in them.

We can’t yet fully verify the entire selection of films, LeBron James chose to enjoy, but do know of some of those cinematic masterpieces. They are: Knowing, Face/Off, The Wicker Man and Vampire’s Kiss.

Apparently, LeBron is a huge fan of the classics.

When reached out for comment, Cage said, “It’s a great honor LeBron James likes my movies. In turn, I will pay 983,3003,333 American dollars for one pair of his socks.”

Oh, Nic Cage, you sly devil you.

Paul George’s Daughter “Fed Up” with Russell Westbrook, Demands Transfer to LA School District

“THE CHOKE is the parody side of ClutchPoints. Everything seen and heard here is purely for entertainment and comedic purposes.”

BEL AIR, LOS ANGELES — Following OKC’s embarrassing first-round loss to the Utah Jazz, rumors about Paul George’s future with the franchise returned to the hot stove. The 5-time All-Star has been linked to his hometown Los Angeles Lakers since last offseason, and there’s a growing belief he’ll head to Tinseltown this summer.

That notion heightened on Thursday afternoon when George reportedly pulled his daughter Olivia out of Heritage Hall a month before the end of the school year. The 4-year-old just wrapped up the standardized testing required in the state of the Oklahoma before entering kindergarten, but she still hasn’t taken her Peace And Conflict Resolution and Astrophysics finals.

Now, sources tell The Choke that it actually wasn’t Playoff P who took Olivia out of Heritage Hall. Rather, his daughter has demanded a transfer to the LA Unified School District after growing “fed up” with Russell Westbrook’s selfish play, which has made her father grow irritable at home.

Olivia tells The Choke that George regularly plays Fortnite rather than reading bedtime stories, no longer cuts her food before meals, and keeps a detailed statistical breakdown of “father-daughter” time, never exceeding the state’s required allotment (although she adds that he always makes sure to hit double-digits).

“I just want my dad back to normal,” said Olivia, who is already fielding scholarship offers from LA’s top private elementary schools. “He puts on a straight face for the cameras, but behind the scenes he’s miserable thanks to Uncle Russ. 43 shots in an elimination game? You’re not Jesus Shuttlesworth, and those weren’t the Monstars.

“I always have my daddy’s best interests in mind, and it’s time to get out of this toxic relationship.”

While it’s unclear which school Olivia will land with, exclusive sources tell us that the growing favorite is Notre Dame Prep, where LeBron James and his wife toured last September.

BREAKING: Kobe Bryant announces return to basketball to chase ring No. 6

In a shocking development coming out of the NBA this morning, Kobe Bryant has told Adrian Wojnarowski of ESPN that he will be coming out of retirement to join LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers. He is expected to sign his contract on Sunday and should be available to play soon after.

The Cavaliers’ next game is on Tuesday against the Toronto Raptors and Bryant is expected to play 15 or 20 minutes in the game as he tries to get geared up for the playoffs.

For Bryant, the reason he wanted to come out of retirement was simple, he wants ring No. 6. Wojnarowski talked with Bryant about his return:

“I still feel like I have a lot left to give, and I wanted to go to a contender. I think I can be the missing piece that the Cavaliers need to get past the Warriors or Rockets and win the title. Jordan has six titles, and to be the best you have to at least match him. I want to be known as the best and getting the sixth title this year will push me over the edge.”

For Bryant, it’s an interesting choice to join the Cavaliers. He had offers from both the Houston Rockets and the Golden State Warriors but he decided that the Cavaliers gave him the best chance.

“I had many offers to come back to the NBA but the Cavaliers felt like the best fit. I can come in right away and be the clear number two option behind LeBron. Not only do I want to win I want to be remembered as a huge part of winning the title, something I’m not sure could have happened in Golden State or Houston.”

With Bryant on board, the Cavaliers are now the clear favorite in the Eastern Conference and have really closed the gap on the Western Conference teams. It should make for an exciting next couple of months around the NBA.

April Fool’s! Of course, Kobe Bryant isn’t coming out of retirement anytime soon, as much as we all wish he would.

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